You Didn't Fail

Failure is a Myth

The only ingredient necessary to fail at a venture is to stop doing it.

— Abiola Okun

I want you to look back at all the things you have supposedly failed at in your life and ask yourself, was that really failure?

The people who seemingly 'succeeded' and are now thriving on that which you 'failed' at, are you saying they didn't experience the same things you experienced that made you consider yourself a failure in that venture? If you think so, you'd be sorely wrong.

But let's not jump the gun here today and start from the beginning.

What exactly is failure?

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I will take definitions off the classic old dictionary.

Merriam-Webster defined failure as an 'omission of occurrence or performance. specifically : a failing to perform a duty or expected action.' 'an abrupt cessation of normal functioning.'

Collins dictionary explained failure to mean 'a lack of success in doing or achieving something, especially in relation to a particular activity.'

Let me give you one more dictionary definition to put things in full perspective. Cambridge dictionary defined failure as 'not succeeding in what you are trying to achieve or are expected to do.'

This is what we have known all our lives to be failure. But we didn't get the full picture! We only focused on the first few words of 'not succeeding' that we subconsciously disregarded the other part of the definition, which has to do with performing and acting. Now the newsletter has started.

We have been so engrossed in the idea of not succeeding that we don't realize that the definition itself talks about action and performing on a specific task. We have been stuck on people's expectation of us, the timing that they set for us or the one we set for ourselves that we don't realize that failure means just one thing.

In all of these definitions, you would see 'performance', 'action', 'duty', 'to do', and how that failure is connected to a lack of these things.

Follow me carefully.

Some days ago, the rain was falling heavily and my neighbour pushed her drum to one of the roof outlets to collect rain water. After several minutes, the rain stopped — you know how the rain has been unpredictable these days. It could be falling heavily one minute, and the next minute, it stops like it wasn't even falling in the first place.

Back to my story.

My neighbour came out and she was saying to herself, or maybe she was on a call, I am not sure, but I heard her say something along the lines of "the drum failed to fill up," or "the rain failed to fill up the drum."

Quick one, was she correct? Absolutely! Failure traditionally is not achieving a goal. The goal was to get the drum full, that didn't happen. Failure.

But was the failure as a result of the rain's inability to fill the drum, or the drum's inability to get full? Absolutely Not!

The drum didn't fill up because an action stopped! The rain stopped falling! And that's the real problem. Many of us are simply rains that stopped falling.

We didn't fail because we lacked the ability. No. No no no. We failed because we stopped. We stopped acting. We stopped doing the work. We stopped taking the course of actions that would eventually lead to success. We stopped at the slightest hint of discomfort. We stopped when the majority of others were stopping. We stopped because we lost interest, perhaps it wasn't something we should have even been doing in the first place.

Point is, we stopped!

You might argue that you stopped because you were failing, no. That's a Fallacy. You failed because you stopped. Heck, you didn't even fail. You simply stopped.

You might want to argue that you 'just weren't getting it, and it just made sense to stop,' No! You just didn't stick around long enough to get it. You stopped before you could get it.

The people who are thriving in the very thing you failed at today aren't smarter than you. They were not getting it too at first, but they stayed with it longer.

You didn't fail. You stopped. The only ingredient necessary to fail at a venture is to stop doing it.

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Many of us pander to people's expectation of us, the timelines they set for us to achieve something and when we don't achieve it in that timeline, we stop altogether, claiming we have failed.

Thing is, if you 'fail' at something, it's not because you lack the ability to achieve that thing. It is because you stopped, and you stopped because you probably weren't as interested in it as you thought you were. It could also be because you lacked the discipline to be tenacious, but it still boils down to the fact that you didn't desire it enough. For what you desire with intensity, you will never stop doing until you get it.

It's that plain simple.

A few days ago, I was relating the story of my work to a friend, how over a year ago, the business we started was literally falling on its head. We were bootstrapping, there were times it was terribly difficult to pay salaries, and there were times when it just made sense to stop and go back to what was familiar; what was working.

It felt like we were putting in all the work and receiving almost nothing from it. Again, it made sense to stop, and we would have stopped if we didn't want it or believe in it with intensity, but we did. This made us keep at it until the tides started to turn in our favor.

That single experience made me realize why businesses fail. Oops, sorry, I meant 'stop'. Why businesses stop (old habits are hard to break, eh?) They stop because they didn't want it enough.

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There are so many things you can do when something isn't working. You can try methods you haven't tried before. You can change locations. You can change direction. You can pivot. You can change structure. And you can stop too, and that's what too many of us choose to do. Stop. Stopping is considered failing, but maybe it shouldn't be.

It's okay to stop, but just be sure you're stopping not because you think you don't have the ability. That would be you doing gross injustice to yourself. The rain didn't fill up the drum because it lacked the ability to do so. The rain didn't fill it up simply because it stopped.

Don't be a rain that stopped, especially when you want something so bad. To hell with timeframes and timelines. See it through. Stick with it. Sit at it and continue to work at it until you get it — assuming you want it that bad anyway. If you stay at it long enough, you will achieve your aim. It is called “Staying Power”, and this is what separates the men from the boys, and the baddies from the little girls.

Everyone you know who is considered a failure, they didn't fail because they lacked the ability or mental capacity to do that thing they failed at. They didn't fail. They simply didn't develop the tenacity to see it through. They simply didn't want it enough. They stopped.

Don't stop, no matter how hard it gets, especially if it is something you want with all your heart. If you want it with all your heart, go at it with all your might.

To your growth,

Your Coach,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired. ✨