YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL

What you are is a narcissist for thinking so.

The biggest mistake you can ever make in this life is to think it can't happen to you.

What? Lol. Of all the 8 billion people on earth, you think you're the exception? What an over-bloated ego you've got on your shoulders.

I know you grew up hearing from everyone who loves you how special you are, how different you are, how indispensable you are, and how the balance of the world is resting on your shoulder. Pélé o, Merlin.

You know what's even more ridiculous? It's that you believed it. Hook. Line. And sinker. What a stinker. Are you kidding me? LMAO!

Okay, let's get into the real newsletter now, shall we?

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It's still the same message, dear reader. You're not Special. I understand that psychologically, we are predisposed to think we are that single entity that will change the universe, that we are a major character in the lives of everyone we encounter. I can't even begin to tell how egocentric and borderline narcissistic this is.

This is a cognitive bias that many people have termed "Self-serving bias," and it happens across board, in all situations.

Have you been in a terrible situation, and you are like, "Why am I always the only one? Why is it me every single time? It's like I'm cursed or something." No. What you are is egoistic. Thinking that you're special, or that it is a single phenomenon that targets you and chooses you. You think, in a very weird, fucked up way, that the universe simply decided to single you out for something that terrible.

Hello? It doesn't just happen to you. You're not the only one who failed or who was rejected or who lost their exam script. Even if you are the only one in that moment, you're not the first it's ever happened to. And I can as well bet that you won't even be the last.

So why are you claiming ownership? If you trace the situation, chances are that you must have made a mistake or something technical must have gone wrong. You are not special!

The same thing with when something good happens. You have been singled out and favored among some people and you think you're special, that “the universe just aligns to me.” Like you were created with a gold dust and every other person was created with leftover clay. Lol. You're the baller, and everyone else is a mechanic.

Better snap out of your reverie. You're not the only one that has been favoured or singled out for a promotion before. You aren't the first, you will not be the last!

If you trace it back, it's almost sure that there is something you are consistently doing right that is making the chips fall in the right places, and if you continue on that path, chips will continue to fall in the right places.

It's not a single phenomenon. It is a principle. If other people follow the same people, the same favor will accrue to them. You are NOT special!

If you fall into the delusion that you're special regardless of what you do, you'll drop the ball. You will ease on the right thing that you're doing, you won't put in more work, and by the time you realize your fuck up, you would have been replaced with someone who continued on the principle. Suddenly, you'd realize that you're a mechanic/baller as much as everyone else is. The scales will fall from your eyes and you'd realize that you are fudging replaceable.

It's an abstraction to think that you can't be replaced, at work, in school, in your relationship(s), in your organisation, or other places you feel indispensable at.

What? You think if you die or resign, they'd close your role because no one else will be able to do it? You'll be shocked that there would be other people that will do it better than you.

This is just the truth. Don't fall into that mental trap that you're special, you're indispensable and cannot be replaced. If you do, you will harm your growth.

They are laying people off, cheating on people, losing things/people, and you think it can't happen to you? Not because you're working hard to make sure it doesn't, but because you think cosmic rays have singled you out and you're special? I pity you!

You are not special! This world is run by principles, and if you abide by them, you will get results. If you don't, you will get the consequences.

If you're good at your job, you won't be hidden for long. If you're bad at your job, it won't take long before you're booted out!

So clear out that thought in your head that makes you think you're special and instead, abide by the principles that are sure to make you excel.

And if your success in a venture rests on someone else (i.e. partners in a relationship), follow the right principles to choose the right person, but don't ever think it can't fall apart. Why? It has fallen apart even for people who did all the right things before. What makes you special?

Even if you believe in some Almighty Deity, Mother universe, or God, still do every single thing you can. Follow the right principles, and maybe one day, as shining rays are revolving and falling on people, they will fall on you too. Not because you are special, but because it was just your turn, and you were in the right place.

Malcolm Gladwell stressed at the end of his book, "Outliers", that it appears, there really are no Outliers, as everyone is an Outlier. Everyone has been presented with unique opportunities or circumstances or experiences in their lives. Whatever they do with it makes their life.

So, dear reader, in short; you are not special, but you can stand up today and decide to follow the principles that will make you excel, and make you seem like you are special in the eyes of people who won't do the work.

To your growth,

To our growth,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired.