To Hell With Difference

You're not like me. I do not trust you.

Different roads sometimes lead to the same castle.

— George R.R. Martin

It's the audacity for me! You think you can be different from me, think differently than I think, act in completely different, and even sometimes opposite ways, and I will be friends with you or even agree with you? You must be joking.

Your difference implies I'm wrong. How dare you think I am wrong? How dare you oppose me? How dare you look so different than I look, come from a completely different place from me, and you want me to treat you as an equal? How bold of you! To hell with difference!

If you're different from me, then you must be in the lower class! If you think differently, then you must be wrong! If you don't look like me, or come from my country or hometown, then you must come from the trenches where you have never tasted the quality life, or come from a castle where you have never known hardship, and as a result, you must be wrong!

You don't belong here!

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Unfortunately, this is how the majority among us think, and we can see it play out in different ways in our societies, even right now. If you look around you, you'd see how this detest for difference, this repulsiveness for a lack of similitude is playing out everywhere. Destroying relationships that have been built, and ending the potential of relationships that could have been built.

Our attitude towards difference, towards diversity is so appalling that no matter where you go, you'd see the division that this causes. From gender, to ethnicity, to religion, to tribe, to race, to ideas, to languages, to likes, and these examples don't even begin to scratch the surface!

Unpopular opinion here: Difference is good! Diversity is crucial to a life worth living. Imagine a world where everybody thinks exactly like you think, a world where there are no opposing views, how will you learn new things, how will you strengthen your convictions, how will you learn what not to do and how not to behave? How will you learn to build virtues like tolerance, creativity to find ways to work together with other people, try out new things you have never done before, learn new languages, learn about a different culture, a different god, and learn a completely different way to think? Without diversity, how will you grow?

We kick against difference because we have been taught growing up that difference means opposite. That's a flaw in learning.

That someone is different from you don't mean they are an opposite. That someone thinks differently from you doesn't mean they are trying to say you're wrong. It doesn't mean they are wrong either. What if it means "We have different experiences, and our experiences are valid"? What if it means, "I grew up somewhere else where we believed something completely different, so that's why I think like this"?

The way they think, or the way they address an issue doesn't make your own process wrong. If you cultivate a better attitude, you will take a learning posture, because what is difference if not an opportunity to learn something different?

Someone who has lived in different conditions than you will have learned completely different things, developed completely different brainwaves and pathways, ate vastly different meals, and experienced things you might never have experienced or even get to experience, and therefore think in a completely different way.

That person is potentially a box of exciting adventures for you! The same way you are an adventure to him too, because you have lived through things that he only can experience through your eyes.

See? Difference doesn't mean opposites. It is not a zero sum game. It is not a win-lose phenomenon. It doesn't have to mean classism. It doesn't have to mean that one person is correct and the other person is wrong. It doesn't have to mean enmity. I always say, ‘I'm not your enemy. I'm just different.’

That you don't speak the same languages doesn't mean that one person is better than the other. It just means you have an opportunity to learn another language and teach someone else your language.

That you come from different tribes doesn't mean one person is local or untrustworthy and whatnot. It just means there's an opportunity for a culture exchange (a multimillion dollar venture in the world today. People have gotten scholarships just to have an exchange in culture).

That you are from different religions doesn't mean the other person's god is false. You need to get it. That you believe something else doesn't mean what you don't believe is false. You might believe it is false, but you can still listen genuinely, share points where you agree, and respect points where you do not.

That you are different genders doesn't mean one is better than the other. One can't do without the other. Strengths are different, and where one's strength fails, the other upholds. See? Difference can mean support. Different parts of a whole.

Blacks are beautiful, Reds too, and Whites, and all the other races. Colors make the earth come to life, but what truly matters is what is on the inside. The skin is just a container. It should never represent ‘class.’ It should never have represented 'class'.

I didn't mean for this newsletter to get this long, but if you've read to this point, you should get the idea now.

In summary, change your attitude towards diversity and difference. Relate with everybody based on their values. Extract yourself from people if their values and yours do not match. Treat each difference as an opportunity to learn something new, and add to your riches in knowledge and experience.

Do this and not only will your growth will quadruple in no time, you'd experience peace like you have never experienced before.

To your growth,

Abiola Okunsanya

Handzinspired ✨