Through the Looking Glass

There's nowhere to hide.

Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are.

— Every African Mother.

You would almost smirk at this sentence these days, ignoring the significance of it, because our parents and teachers drummed it into our ears so much growing up, and we probably believe they have to be wrong, because as a generation, we are trying so hard to divorce ourselves from all the age old teachings. Woke generation, eh? The Gen Zs!

While I agree that there definitely are practices and advices from the past that don't apply anymore and should not be passed down to our children, there are also many practices and advices that must be passed down. Things that they got right which held together the fragments of our society and sanity.

One of which is the advice I started with, "Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are."

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Now, it isn't even only about your friend. It isn't just about who you walk with. It isn't even just about a person. It is about your immediate environment. About what and who you allow in your space.

It is about what and who you do not allow in your space. Every single thing in your immediate environment is a reflection of who you are. Your friends, your family, your apartment, your clothes, your habits, your teachers, your colleagues, your shoes, your books, your foes, your gadgets, and even your contact list.

Every single thing you have in your external environment is a reflection of what is in your internal environment. Everything you allow in your space has a fraction of the mirror that reflects you.

When someone peers into your book library, or movie gallery, photo gallery, or music library, they can automatically have an idea what goes on in your mind, because these are the things that go directly inside you through the windows of your soul which are your eyes and your ears.

As a result, they are mirrors that reflect you. They are the looking glass through which someone else sees you.

This applies to the people you have in your environment. Your friends are a marker of your values. You cannot be friends with someone whose values you do not align with.

If you're confused about this, read my newsletter about friendship here, or listen to the podcast here. Your friends are people whose values align exactly with yours. If your friend speaks a certain way, and does so all the time, and you're okay with being friends with that person even though you claim how the person speaks or what the person says is against your values, then you're grossly dishonest about either of two things; the person being your friend, or your values.

Your friend is another piece of your looking glass. You cannot blame anyone for seeing you when they look at who you call your friend.

The same can be said of your enemies as well, just the reverse. Your enemies are also a marker of what you value. Ideally, an enemy should be someone of the exact contrasting moral compass, values and belief systems as you. If I want to know who you are, I can simply look at someone you are not, something or someone you detest, why you detest that person, and voila! Backward integration.

Words can be your looking glass too. The things you say and the things you allow to be said to you. If you are constantly permitting people to describe you a certain way, before long, that becomes your identity. Before long, other people starts to see you that way. That becomes some part of your looking glass, most especially because you allowed it.

Whatever you allow in your space is a reflection of you. It is a piece of your looking glass, and before long, you are identified that way by everybody. It simply becomes a bad joke that was allowed to continue.

Remember, what you allow is a reflection of your self-worth, and as they say, allow it, and it continues. What continues, continues until it sticks and becomes your identity. Your identity is your looking glass.

Also, what comes out of your mouth, constantly, is a reflection of who you are as a person. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And oh yes! You can be judged and looked at through the things you say.

Finally, your physical space. Your coordination can be your looking glass too. How you keep, treat and protect the objects that are dear to you has an imprint of your identity. Your kitchen, your bathroom, your bed, your wardrobe, your table, all of these things are pieces of your looking glass.

How you behave even to the most mundane things, how you show up even to things that don't feel are markers to the kind of person you are.

Intense, I know.

See why the first line of this newsletter is so profound and applies to everything across every generation? It doesn't stop at just friends.

Show me your foes, and I will tell you who you are.

Show me your place, and I will tell you who you are.

Show me your libraries and galleries, and I will tell you who you are.

Show me what you allow people say to you, and I will tell you who you are.

Show me what you say to people, and I will tell you who you are.

Show me who teaches you, show me what you believe in, show me your clothes, show me your contact list, show me your shoes, show me what's in your bag, and I, dear reader, will tell you who you are. For each and everything around you is a looking glass, when I look through those things, I see you.

Make of this, what you will.

To your growth,

Your Coach,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired. ✨