Three Sides to a Story

And even the third side is not..

Never judge based on a single story. You'd be clowning.

You sure must have heard the saying, “there are three sides to a story; his side, her side, and the truth.”

Well, there's nothing so close to the truth but yet so far way. In fact, on the surface, it sounds like the wisest saying, and it probably is too, but the person who made that statement didn't put into consideration cultural frames, religious frames, and all the other frames that exist.

Often there are two (groups of) people in a situation, people who see things differently, have different ideas about how the world should work, have experienced different things and interpret things from colored frame of references, and that is why, while trying to get to a resolution, one person says one thing, and the other person says a different thing entirely about the same situation, then luckily or unfortunately for them, a third party who had witnessed the situation comes and says the 'third' side, which is often referred to as the truth because the witness has no bias or interest in the case.

And that is where we get it completely wrong.

The 'truth' in itself is also relative. We forget that nobody is ever free of bias. We forget that there's a huge difference between truth and fact.

Humans have been impressed by too many things than we can count over the decades we've lived on earth that, it is completely impossible to separate ourselves from the inherent biases that we have wallowed in and swallowed up.

What I am saying is, somebody's perception, description and interpretation of the third side of the coin can also be coloured.

If the truth isn't even entirely reliable, how dare you believe in his side or her side? And that is the crux of this newsletter to you.

---

I consider people who hear only one side of the story and make decisions and judgements based on one side really special people. I mean, you don't have all the facts, you only have 1/3+ of the fact, yet you carry your big head, together with your own inherent bias, and start judging, start canceling, start making a fool of yourself. See? Truly special people, aren't they?

Yes, special, wicked people who are not concerned about what the issue really is, neither do they concern themselves with a resolution or with peace.

Anyone who jumps into a conclusion, joins you to cancel and hate someone right after you tell them what has happened (whispers, your side of the story), then the person isn't someone who'd see you to a place of growth and purpose. The person is doing you more harm than good.

The same way if you are the person doing the judging and concluding based on a single story, you are not giving yourself the space to grow. You will experience a stunted existence because hearing and deciding upon just one-third of the story is like eating a meal that is a third-way cooked. You will choke on the meal eventually and die.

It is already questionable to make a decision based on only two sides of a story, even having all three sides have a little more to be desired, but then you come and make huge judgements about your life or someone else's life based on somebody's say so? You must really be courageous, because how can you boldly jump into such a huge, huge mistake?

---

There are three sides to a story, and even the third side isn't exactly free of errors, so the next time you want to decide or judge a situation for yourself, make sure you have a handle on all the sides, and then like a professional who's more deliberate about his life and the decisions he makes, put all you think you know on a drawing board and inject into them your own interpretations, you know, interpretations on the basis of your belief system, religion, environment and values, then decide for yourself.

We need to understand that to get an absolute truth, you have to have an absolute manual, and we all do not live out of the same manual, what looks like the truth to us might not be entirely true to a different person.

Please, don't go out there breaking bridges based on a single story. Don't go out there stamping judgements based on someone else's interpretation of a situation. Live carefully. If you don't have all the facts, treat a situation like you don't have the facts at all and resist the urge to pass judgements and cancel people.

Half information kills, talk less of a third of an information. You don't want to die on top of a situation that doesn't concern you. Mind your business and focus on your growth. There are three sides to a story. If the story has nothing to do with you, stay three miles away from it.

Half information kills. Don't die on a situation that doesn't concern you.

To your growth,

Your Coach,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired. ✨