The Growth Mindset

Can you really learn anything?

Becoming is better than being.

— Dr. Carol Dweck

The first time I read Dr. Carol Dweck's book on Mindset, it became clear why many people are the way they are, and why two people can start at the same point in life and go ahead to lead completely contrasting lives.

This week, in this newsletter, I'll introduce two mindsets other than the Scarcity and Abundance mindsets from my last newsletter.

Have you heard people say, "That's the way I am, you can't change me," or "That's the way I have always been, growing up as a child," or "I don't know mathematics," or "English is too hard. I gave up on it," or, and here's a good one, "My mom is like that, my mom's mom was like that, in fact that's the way we are in our family," or "I don't know how to make friends," or "I don't know how to interact with people. It's just the way I am," or "I am naturally not a loyal person. That's my personality. I can't fight it," or, I promise, last one, "This is who I am, you either love me or you don't. There's nothing I can do about it. Other people will love me."

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I am terribly tempted to continue, but you get the drift already. I'm sure we hear variants of these statements at least once everyday.

In fact, I am sure some of us reading this right now must be guilty of one or two of those statements or similar ones that weren't captured.

This is the fixed mindset. It states that you are one way, and your capabilities are set.

If you try something and fail, it means you're simply not good at it, and you don't bother about it anymore.

If you betray a friend, you set your mind into thinking you're not a loyal person.

If you fail maths a couple of times, you are not good at maths, and that becomes fixed.

If you noticed that you grow impatient often, it becomes translated into, "I am not a patient person."

You think that a lot of things are set, and you think in terms of outcomes.

If you mess up a relationship or two, your mind gets fixed about not being good with relationships, and that alone even causes you to deliberately start messing up, as you believe the outcome is fixed.

You then begin to sabotage yourself in relationships. If a relationship is going really good, it becomes strange to you and you do everything you can to destroy it, because being in a working relationship isn't 'who you are.'

In the fixed mindset, you think everything is set, you think in terms of outcomes. If you fail, you're simply not good at it. Full stop.

The same applies to when you feel you aren't good with human interactions, where on earth did you get that from? Just because you found yourself being awkward in different scenarios?

You fixed your mind on that outcome and subconsciously chase after the outcome even when the other party is doing all they can to make things work.

The same applies to every other thing. You think you're not patient, you think learning a new skill is too hard, you think you don't have the capacity for maths, you hate to move or change jobs, you are not 'genetically predisposed' to be an athlete, you can't write, you can't change your mind, you can't change your heart, etc.

This is an indication that you are stuck in the fixed mindset, and nothing will ever change in that part of your life that you are stuck.

Now let me introduce you to a better way.

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The Growth Mindset.

In Dr. Carol's words, "a growth mindset is the belief that you can develop abilities." It is simply the mental posture you choose that helps you believe that you can learn anything.

The growth mindset doesn't think "I don't know maths," with a period at the back. It chooses instead to say, "I am not good at maths right now, but I can get better, and I will get better."

The growth mindset doesn't look at the exam scoreboard and goes, "Right. 43. I failed again." Instead it goes, "Great. 43. I did better than the last time I had 34. I can do better next time."

Having a Growth mindset doesn't mean you will become the best at everything. It just means you will have the mental altitude to stick to things for a very long time, long enough to get good at them.

It isn't saying that you will be perfect in all your ways, but it says that you will never put a period where there only should be a comma and continuation.

In the growth mindset, you will never put a full stop where there should be a comma and continuation.

The growth mindset, unlike the fixed mindset doesn't think in terms of outcomes, but in terms of the upward trend.

They don't compare themselves to what everyone else requires of them, holding themselves to other people's metrics. Instead, they hold themselves to their previous attempt and measure their growth in terms of how they did before.

They never say, "That's how my mom is," they say, "I can learn to be better."

They don't say, "We are always poor in our family, no matter what we do," they say, "I can learn to break out of this cycle."

They don't say, "I am bad at human interactions, I am not loyal, I can't hold myself from lying, that's just my personality." Instead, they say, "I am awkward right now, but I can learn to be better. I falter at being loyal, but I will try again and try to be better. I will learn to refrain from telling lies and start to take responsibility. I will read books on how to be loyal and responsible, I will read books on building relationships, I can change when I learn these things."

The person with the growth mindset doesn't think, "I don't know how to handle my finances. I don't know how to spend or save money," no. They learn about it. They read books about it. They search for accountability partners that will hold them responsible for implementing the things they have learned.

They don't say, "There's nothing I can do about it. This is who I am. The person that will love me the way I am will come around soon." No! They say, "I can learn to be a better person. I can become a more loving, more caring, more empathetic, more forgiving, more loyal, and more trusting person.”

Finally, they recognize that, as people, they need to continue to become, and not simply be. Or to put it in the exact words of Dr. Carol Dweck, they understand that, "Becoming is better than being."

I hope from this moment on, you take the mental posture of being able to learn to become anything.

Yes, you can.

To your growth,

Your Coach,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired. ✨