Mind The Glass

Unedited

Mar 15, 2024

WARNING: This newsletter is mostly meant for me.

If you are an ardent follower of the Growth With Handzinspired Newsletters, you'd have been wondering why Abiola hasn't been in your emails this week, well, I hope this email makes the wait worth it.

Have you ever felt pain so devastating that you almost want to die?

Pain so terrible, you would look for an outlet but you just can't find any. You'd try to breathe but you just can't. It'd feel like the whole world is closing in on you, you'd feel sweaty and actual, physical heart ache?

Have you ever felt pain so much that you start to develop panic attacks that you have never felt before?
Have you felt this way as a result of someone else's words, actions, deeds?

Perhaps someone said something untrue about you, they said really hurtful things, things that impinged your character. Perhaps someone lied against you, said things you didn't say, told people you did things you never even touched, announced that they saw you in places you've never even been to.

Perhaps someone you trusted with everything you have and are betrayed your trust, spat on your loyalty, took advantage of your true-blue and deceived you despite of whatever conscience you hoped should be left resident in even the worst of humans.

Perhaps you were embarrassed, insulted, disrespected, invalidated, and treated like you weren't even worthy of anything. Perhaps you were even made to question what your reality was.

And then that feeling, right in the middle of it all, right in the thick of trying to sort out exactly what to think, the panics and short breaths start to manifest. Slowly, everything starts to become blurry, like the world is coming at you fast.

That feeling? Have you ever felt it? And have you felt it because of someone else's actions?

I've been feeling that way for the better part of three weeks now, and even though I'm still trying to find an outlet for the pain, I've truly learned through it, and that is why you're reading this today.

You are probably wondering why I am talking about pain and panics in raw detail and what it has to do with growth, well, you'll see.

Through everything I've felt over the last couple of weeks, one thing continues to ring through the pain and anguish, and it's this, "I never want to make anybody feel this way."

I had options. I could have decided to become great people how I have been treated going forward, or I could deliberately decide to never let anyone feel this way ever, as a contribution to humanity.

I chose the latter. I truly never want to be the reason someone feels this way. Yes, I'm human, I am flawed, but I will dedicate my life to making sure I never be the cause for which anyone goes through this pain. Perhaps I have been the reason why someone went through this in the past, I am going to painstakingly make sure nobody else does.

When we go through pain, we ask what we did to deserve it, instead of asking what we need to do to make sure we don't give it to others. We promise to lock our hearts up instead of deciding to give the remnant away as a panacea to the menace that other people wrought on others.

I'm going to take the highway.

It means that going forward, I am going to Mind the Glass. Deliberately deciding to never say things that could have the slightest potential of hurting someone else the way I have been hurt. Deliberately deciding to never do things to cause someone a panic-attack inducing pain like the one I felt. Deciding that in speech and deeds, I'll make sure I don't cause the kind of harm that was done to me.

Words have been likened to eggs, actions should not be left disregarded too, as both words and actions leave permanent imprints upon the hearts of other people, and this is why we must deliberately leave an imprint that will forever be relished, leaving the imprinted better than we met them.

Even while I'm still largely apprehensive about what art my shattered glass will end up forming, I've decided that the pain I feel will never be transferred. Instead, it will become the very guiding compass for minding the glass.

I hope that this inspires you to never let whatever darkness you feel, caused by someone else, or some other external force you couldn't have controlled change you into the very same darkness.

We are NOT what we feel. We are what we decide to do with what we feel.

I have chosen to Mind The Glass.

Lowkey, I hope nobody reads this, and that's why it will tiptoe into your email by 11 pm Friday.
If you do get to read it, I hope you keep it a secret.

To My Growth,
Abiola.