Listen

Build strength to shut up and listen

Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.

Bernard M. Baruch

Hi!

You have heard, time and time again, how important many skills are in this age. How we should learn to write, read, design, code, preach, coach, speak, pray, and all other skills that have been fed to us in this decade.

As much as all of these skills are important, and you'd be doing yourself a massive favor towards growth if you learn these skills, I believe there is one skill that is not talked about the most. A skill I believe to be the chiefest of them all. To listen.

Many of us love to hear the sound of our voice. We like to speak, to be listened to, but the truth is, listening is more important than speaking, and not many people do it. Not many people pay more attention to cultivating listening skills in today's world.

Right. Today, we are raising a crop of people who speak more than they listen, this means that, they are giving more than they are getting inside of them, and when you don't get enough, when you are giving more than you are getting, you become depleted and start giving out things that are irrelevant.

In this decade, we have been taught to be more assertive. To always air our opinions, and to still speak something, even when we don't exactly have an opinion, so people don't think we are a pushover. We’ve been taught to speak so much that they forgot to teach us to listen too.

I mean, growing up, and I fell into the trap at some point. I still find myself in that trap from time to time. I’m not perfect.

As a result of what we have been taught, we have too many sounding cymbals, people who just echo nonsense since they haven't listened enough, they haven't gotten enough inside of them to help them speak things that matter.

Listening gives you power, even more than speaking. Listening is to the mind, what eating is to the body. Imagine throwing up, or excreting everyday, without properly eating anything. It wouldn't take a soothsayer to predict that you soon will become very sick.

Listening is to the mind, what eating is to the body.

The same applies to your mind. If you don't listen enough, your mind becomes ill, and you won't be of any influence to anybody, because there will be nothing to give other people.

You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot give what you have not received. You cannot sensibly speak what you have not listened to. This is the holy grail.

Here's the trick. Listen twice as much as you speak. A wise person once said, "There is a reason God gave us two ears and one mouth. He wants us to listen twice as much as we speak."

I understand that there are people who are natural listeners, and there are other people who are naturally loquacious, but this is why listening, like speaking, is a skill that we can learn.

The natural listeners tend to have to learn how to speak up, while the ones who naturally love to speak must learn to listen. So yes, dear Sanguine, you can learn to listen.

This takes off the excuse you were already about to give by saying, "I am a Sanguine. I'm naturally a bad listener. Nothing I can do about that." That's simply indiscipline speaking. You can learn to listen, especially now that you know that listening is by far the most important skill you can ever cultivate.

Listen twice as much as you speak.

With listening, you don't only develop a calmness about you, you also get to take in more than you would have if you weren't listening.

People who listen more tend to be more intelligent, less forgetful, better friends, and better communicators. In short, listeners tend to be better at everything, most especially speaking. That's a plot twist, isn't it?

Yes, if you're a better listener, you'd be a better speaker for several reasons. You would have listened to yourself before you even start to speak, you would have listened to other people and armed yourself with the little but important details that escaped people who weren't listening. Also, you'll command an aura that would make people want to listen to you as well.

I mean, you have been speaking less and listening more all day. Nobody knows what is in your mind, so when you start speaking, they are drawn in, curious and want to listen.

Many times, you are able to hold their attention because, chances are that you are speaking sensibly, since you have information. See why listening makes you better at everything?

Finally, I thought to remind you again, that listening is a skill that you can learn ardently, a habit that you can cultivate intentionally, and a life you can live religiously.

I didn't realize how much I needed this before I started writing. This week, and every other day after today, I will make it my mission to listen twice, even thrice as much as I speak. I hope you do too.

To your growth,

Your Coach,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired.