It is All Your Fault!

Now take responsibility.

If you want to grow sporadically, you have to make everything that happens to you your responsibility. Your fault.

- Abiola Okunsanya

Hi!

Sorry I made you a little bit apprehensive with the title of this letter, but I thought it needed to be done, and I am not exactly out of place to say it is all your fault. Yes, you.

Just follow me carefully, as this newsletter will be very short.

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Look around you, at your estate, at your situation, at how you're feeling right now, at everything and everyone around you. Who are you tempted to blame for all that's happened to you? The last person who hurt you? The government? The opportunity that didn't come to you? The person who put you in the situation you're in? The Act of God that made you lose a tangible asset?

You can take a pause here and take account of every single thing that is a reality in your life, perhaps even have a mental list and write them out on the left side of that list, rule in front of it, and write who you are blaming for each one of it.

Pause here again and do the task. You could make it an actual list on a sheet of paper. You can start with 5 things for now.

Here's what your list could look like:

Reality - Cause/Fault

Headache - Tolu made me sleep late

Late to work - Long queue at Bus station

Feeling Betrayed - Femi lied against me

Lost job - The role wasn't communicated clearly

Lost Opportunity - Because I'm a Nigerian

Failed Exam - The tutorial centre didn't teach well

I'll just stop here on this hypothetical list so you can draw yours.

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Now that you have a list, and you've written everything you think caused your present reality, I want you to strike out everything under the Cause/Fault, and write your name beside each reality because the truth is, it is all your fault. Even when it feels like saying it is your fault would be unfair, you have to make it your fault. You have to make it your responsibility because that is how you can control it.

It wasn't Tolu who made you sleep late. You decided to chat with her late into the night even though you knew you had to wake up early. If Tolu made it impossible to sleep because of her shouts, you allowed her that space to do so.

It wasn't the long queue at the bus stop that made you late. You could have gotten there earlier. You could have decided to take another route. You could have woken up earlier to beat the queue and whatever traffic congestion that made you get to work late.

Femi lied against you, cheated, and betrayed you because you gave him the position to do so. You placed him on a spot in your life that gave him the power to hurt you like that. Could it be that you are a bad judge of character?

You lost your job because you didn't do well, which was ultimately because the role wasn't communicated effectively, but did you ask? Did you do your due diligence? Did you apply yourself?

You lost the opportunity because, apparently, "they don't hire talents from Nigeria," or "they don't do business in Nigeria," but you could have found out before applying. You could have gone for other opportunities that are available to Nigerians. Or better still, become so good that they cannot ignore you?

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I know you would smirk, scoff at this letter, and perhaps think I'm being unfair and unreasonable. Perhaps. However, this is one valid way to look at things. If you want to grow sporadically, you have to make everything that happens to you your responsibility. Your fault.

It is going to be so hard because it will feel like the world is on your shoulders, but that's not true. It is your life that is on your shoulder. Everything that has to do with your life, your feelings, and your situation now rests in your control. If it is your fault, then you will take responsibility for it. If you take responsibility for it, then you will be forced to take decisive actions to make it better.

Growth rests in the actions you take when you finally agree that it is your fault. Don't leave your destiny in the hands of other people by giving the responsibility for your life and your situation to them. Everything rises and falls on leadership, and leadership is about taking responsibility.

Kickstart a spike of growth in your life by deciding today, that everything that happens to and in you — whether good or bad, whether it was a result of someone's action — is your fault, and you will take responsibility for them.

Try it this week.

To your growth,

Your Coach,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired. ✨