"I'm not fine"

Was that your answer?

If you are constantly feeling like your life needs to change, perhaps it does.

— Handzinspired

I asked the question last week, "How are you?" and I encouraged responses, which I got a lot of. Of those responses, I created three buckets, and we will unearth the dimensions of each buckets over the next weeks.

The three buckets are, "I'm not fine," "I am doing pretty well," "I don't even know how I feel."

Of course, the answers were more elaborate than these, but I found that they one way or another fit into one of these three buckets.

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For a long time, I also felt “not fine.” I felt like if someone truly asked and inquired into how I truly was, you know, beyond the surface "How are you?", my answer would have been "I'm not fine," with hot tears gushing down my eyes and me breaking down in a blink.

There were a lot of reasons why I wasn't fine. I felt like I wasn't where I wanted to be. I didn't even know where I wanted to be. I stayed back in bed for a longer period of time.

I would only do things to please others. I wasn't even sure of what pleased me, and many times, I had to do things I didn't even like just to please people.

I wasn't fine. I didn't have a roadmap for my life, I didn't understand what the end looked like. I couldn't define myself and the people that should be in my life.

I wasn't reading, I wasn't seeing any progress anywhere. I didn't even have a job. I felt like people I liked didn't like me. I felt like I was getting less than I deserved.

I wasn't fine. I would covet things other people had because I felt they would make me better off. I wished for long that I had a much more well off family, maybe I'd have been pushed up the ladder and my life would have been perfect.

I would compare myself to other people, wondering how come life treated them better than I. How come they were luckier than I, they weren't even as good a human as I was!

Why was I not good enough? Why was I dumb? Why do I struggle with seemingly simple things? Why do I forget things?

There were just too many reasons for why I would have said "I'm not fine." And after reading all your email responses from last week, I realized most of our worries and the reason for our answers are captured in one or more of the pain-points above. And I promise you, they are valid, but how about we get you from the "I'm not fine" point and make you get better?

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If you feel like you aren't where you want to be, and that's the reason why you are not fine, take a short account. Are you where you used to be?

Even though you feel you could be better than you are right now, you have to acknowledge and give yourself kudos for the fact that you are better than you used to be, then continue the work that will help you get to where you need to be, consistently.

If you stay back in bed for longer periods, then it means you don't have anything that excites you into getting off the bed. You don't have a reason for waking up. You don't have a big cause your life is gunning after. You should find that.

What would you do with your life if there were no boundaries of finance? You can define your own life and purpose to the tune of what you love to do and what you can do better than others. It'll help you get up from bed faster.

Are you always pleasing others and displeasing yourself? Are you not fine because you're tired of being a people pleaser? Then create boundaries.

Draw techniques around your life that'd help you say no easier. Check here for where I wrote about saying no.

Finding that purpose I discussed earlier will help you create a roadmap if you feel like you don't have one right now. And do you feel like you don't get what you deserve?

The truth is, life doesn't give you what you deserve. It gives you what you ask for. And you ask by constantly manifesting, constantly learning and pushing yourself towards that one goal you're asking for.

Do you feel like you're better suited for what other people have? Their material things? Their family? Their life? It is because you have been looking up.

How about you look down? See the people who would kill to have the kind of life you have right now. See the people that would help you be more grateful and liking of the life you have right now, and when you look up, look up for inspiration for the kind of life you want, and work towards it. Comparism kills.

And if you don't think you're good enough, it is in your control to change that. There are books, people, things, and information in different forms that you have access to, that will literally make you better and thoroughly change your life. You have the control to do something about it. Will you?

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After all is said and done, follow through these pointers and you'll realize that only you have the power to change how you are feeling and how your life is right now.

I implore you to use that power.

To your growth,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired.