"I don't even know"

I'm not sure how I feel.

What comes out of you when you are squeezed is what is inside of you.

— Wayne Dyer

The last of the buckets is captured in this statement, "I don't even know how I feel," and do you know the more striking thing? It is the fact that there are more people who fell into this bucket than there are people who replied with "I'm fine" or "I'm not fine." This goes to show that there's a problem prevalent in the world.

If you don't know something, it definitely means that there isn't enough information about it, and many times, the only reason why we don't have enough information about a subject matter is because we haven't explored that subject enough. It simply means that we haven't cared enough to go in search of knowledge about that particular thing. I'm sure you already know where I am heading.

If you don't know how you feel, it means you haven't been thinking about yourself as much as you should. You haven't cared about yourself enough to gather information about how you feel and about what your life is about. You haven't been paying attention to the one thing that matters the most in your life. You.

If you don't know how you feel, it means you have been concerning yourself with things other than your priority.

The reason why many people don't know how they feel is because they are too busy caring about how others feel about them, they are too busy caring about how other people feel about themselves, they are too busy tending to the needs of other people, all the while putting their most important concern in the rear view.

This is not a way to live.

If you don't know how you feel, how would you know what you need? How would you know where to go? How would you know what to do to get you to where you want to go? You have been focusing on the wrong things. It is time to shift attention and focus on you.

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I stumbled on a quote some time ago, and the author said, "Nobody thinks about you as much as you do." It means that you are not a lead actor in anybody else's life.

The only place where you can be the primary factor is in your life, and if you lend that life out to other people, if you give yourself away and enthrone other worries and cares, you will be misconstruing priorities, and the endpoint would be not knowing where you are, who you are, how you feel, or where you stand.

Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying to lack empathy and not think about other people, or care about other people. I am not saying to not be there for other people, no. I am saying that you need to first be the example.

At the book club yesterday, we discussed how that you cannot care about other people if you don't first care about yourself. You cannot win in other people's lives if you don't first win in your own life. You cannot express love and affection to others if you neglect yourself.

It is a complete oxymoron, that a broken person should heal another broken person. To be a healing balm to others, you first have to heal. To care for others, you first have to care for yourself.

'Nemo dat quod non habet' - You cannot give what you do not have. It is what you put inside of you that comes out of you.

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So now you know what to do if you truly don't know how you are or how you feel. Shift focus to yourself. Give yourself a break from caring for other people and putting them first.

Now is the time to put yourself first, care for yourself, tend to your needs, be a little selfish, pour into yourself all the growth and love and care and knowledge that you have, and do so with all your might.

The more you give to yourself, the more you'll have to give to people. The more seeds you put into the ground, the more trees that will grow to provide fruits, shades and woods for millions.

In essence, shift your focus to yourself. Take care of yourself. Know how you feel so you can know where to go. Be curious about yourself. Gather information. Know how you are so you can know how to get to where you want to go.

One of the most important ingredients on your growth journey is knowing exactly how you are, and using it as a springboard into your future.

I hope after this, you'll come back in a few weeks to answer the question definitely.

To your growth,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired. ✨