Expect NO

Like unavoidable speedbumps...

All it takes to win, many times, is for just one Yes to come.

— Culled from this letter.

Do you know why some people never amount to anything? Why they never create anything of value that would stand the test of time and make them people of substance through their lifetime? They are scared of something they are meant to brazenly charge towards. They run away from the very ingredient they need to be shaped into who they hope to be. They are scared of getting a No.

This is the uncomfortable truth many people don't want to hear. If you put your hands on a plow, start a venture, or step out of your room to take a series of actions, there's a possibility that you get a No, as well as a possibility of Yes. Actually, you’d most likely get a No rather than a Yes. If you settle that in your heart, then your journey begins.

As counterintuitive as it sounds, the key to success in anything is for you to expect to get a No. You need to start seeing No as the constant factor, the necessary evil you must endure if you'd ever get a Yes. The truth is, just like hidden in some ground somewhere is a treasure box of gold, hidden in every No is a Yes. We simply have to build enough strength of character to not only endure the No, but to do one better; to expect it.

It is just like any task you engage in. If you expect the work to be hard from the beginning and expect to do strenuous work to hit your goal, you will be more likely to stick with it until you hit that goal than if you expected it to be easy at the beginning and it turns out to be hard.

In the same way, if all you want and expect is a warm, pleasant reception when you knock on a door, but you instead receive a harsh, unwelcoming slam of the door across your face by the person who was meant to receive you, you'd never want to knock on another door in your life anymore. However, if before you knock, you already expect the most likely harsh welcome, it will simply be another Tuesday for you and you will be even more prepared to knock on the next door, and the next, and the next, until you knock on a door that answers and welcomes you with open arms.

Expect to hear No when you start. And make up your mind that it's only a part of the process. That's the only way you can get past it. No is a necessary evil, and if you ever want to overcome that evil, you have to arm yourself with countermeasures that can be in the form of a change of strategy to knock on the same door or knock on other doors, knowing that all it takes to win, many times, is for just one Yes to come.

Yes, all it takes is one Yes, one strike of gold, one welcoming door to render all the NOs you have received in the past of no consequence. The road to Yes has a lot of NOs lying in wait as speedbumps. You must expect those bumps, with glee too, knowing that there are most likely still more bumps on the road. If you don't get on the road because you are scared of the bumps you will encounter along the way, you will never get to your destination.

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The fear of getting a No is like a clay that wants to be carved into a precious pot but is afraid of water. It is like gold that is allergic to fire. It is like a rock hoping to be a great sculpture but is too afraid of the chisel. They will never become what they are meant to be.

‘NO’ can come in the form of failure, rejection, or even heartbreak. It can be a job application that came back negative, a scholarship that slipped from your fingers, a business negotiation that didn't go your way, a start-up that failed, a project that didn't turn out as you expected, a business that didn't succeed, or a relationship that failed, the list is endless. Expect it!

It's like the lyrics of a song by Jay Z which I listened to growing up that said, "Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst..." We hope to succeed, but we must understand, expect, and prepare for the fact that some doors will first slam in your face before one door opens up. Ironically sometimes, it's the same door that slammed on your face that eventually opens up.

I was listening to a podcast earlier in the week and the speaker said something that made me pause and think. He said, "The minute someone says No to you is the minute negotiation begins." But here we are, swallowing No as our final destination. Here we are, not even starting something because we are scared of getting a No.

The thing is, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. If you don't do anything, you'd certainly get a No, but if you venture out and expect a No, you might get a No, but there's also a slim, tiny chance that you get a Yes, and many times, one Yes is all you need to set you up for the life of your dreams.

This letter is not to prophesy doom. It is me saying, hope earnestly for an acceptance, but also expect the rejection mail and prepare to apply again, and again. It is a part of the process. A part of a well-worn, expertly written story that is your life. A story the world will only hear, if you venture regardless of all the NOs you might get, knowing that all you need is one Yes.

To Your Growth,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired. ✨