DEAR PERFECTIONIST

Be a little kinder to yourself.

Be kinder to yourself, and then let your kindness flood the world.

— Pema Chodron

It might sound like a 'motivation' of some sorts, but I promise you, by the end of this letter, you would have been convinced how important self-compassion is to your growth.

We all have the urge to jump from the point we are to the point that we hope to be, and as a result, many times we push ourselves so hard, and then when we don't get our desired results, we feel disappointed and beat ourselves up, sometimes with words, sometimes with mental punishments like loneliness, depression, and even self pity.

Also, it could be as a result of inaction. We have the picture of who we want to be, deep inside our subconscious, but taking steps to become that person we have in our head is the issue.

We just can't get over procrastination, nonchalance, laziness, tire and mental weariness. We just can't push ourselves up from our beds, and then it leads us to conclude that we don't have what it takes. We are not good enough and will never amount to much. Then it's a downward spiral from that point on.

We've lost a lot of people to depression and mediocrity as a result of these two instances.

They try and try, and because they are seeing a tall vision and are expecting to reach it once but they don't, they throw in the towel and start to say unkind things to themselves until they truly begin to believe it; or they try to try and are not yet able to lay their beds or overcome the mental laziness, so they lay back and stop trying altogether, believing they have not what it takes, until it truly manifests.

The message for this week is, be a little kinder to yourself, friend. Rome wasn't built in one day. Michael Jordan didn't become an icon without failing over and over.

We have repeatedly seen people who have failed over and again, but they never let those failures define them, and later on, it was like an 'overnight' success.

It's good to push yourself. Ask for strides from yourself. Stretch yourself, but dearly, leave room for error. You are not perfect. You'd fuck up. If you don't think you will, then you are not operating on a Growth Mindset, but a Fixed Mindset.

According to Carol Dweck, the Growth Mindset is knowing that with every action, hard work and work generally, you can grow and learn new things, but the Fixed Mindset states that you have grown all you can, this is who you are and how you are, and you can’t change. With this, there will be zero opportunities for growth anymore.

If you don't think you should or can mess up, fail, embarrass yourself or even not meet up to target or goals sometimes, then it means you must think that you're perfect, and that means you've grown all you can; a Fixed Mindset.

However, do you know what accepting that mistakes can be made, and you can let yourself down sometimes means? It means you know that there are still parts of you that needs developing, that needs training and practice, and knowing this will spur you to grow.

As you go this week, know that you are growing. You don't know everything, you can't do everything, you're not perfect, and you will fuck it up sometimes, but that's just part of being human.

Stop being too critical of yourself. It doesn't mean you can't be more than you are now. It doesn't mean you will continue to let yourself down, or you don't have what it takes.

No. What it means is that there is room for growth. And as you realize that, you will be less critical of yourself, even while pushing yourself to growth.

When you fuck up, instead of saying words that lead to pity, say something to yourself that you would want someone else to say to you. Have the Growth Mindset. Chuck it up by saying that it's all a part of the process.

Failures are ripples and layers of successes tucked in themselves, because there is growth in every fuck up, and hey! Everybody fucks up! So be a little kinder to yourself.

Be like Thomas Edison. When you fail, don't say you don't have what it takes. Say you have found another way that it doesn't work. This will push you to continue, and grow some more.

To your growth,

Your Coach,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired.