A Letter to the Human Soul

Our identities are in danger.

A man without an identity, separate from his outcomes, is a man without a soul.

— Abiola Okun

There was a resounding question in my heart as I woke up this morning. The question is an offshoot of the meeting we had at the Readers Community yesterday, and it somehow ties into the letter I sent to you last week.

The question is this: What happens if you never achieve all that you want to achieve? What happens if the true outcome is a complete departure from what you always wanted the outcome to be? What then?

What happens if you never hit those goals even after doing everything you could do? What happens if the world never responds to you the way you expected it to, maybe because they simply aren't seeing the magic you see, or you have come ten, twenty years earlier, and these people don't just get it? What happens?

What happens if you never get to marry the woman of your dreams? What happens if you don't get that scholarship? What happens if you lose your job today? What happens if nothing works out? What happens if you lose everything today? And all you were left with was your life?

I know it's such a terrible thing to think about on a Monday morning, but indulge me. What happens if the big goal you have defined for your life doesn't come through? Or the strong pillar you have rested your entire essence in gives way and crumbles? Would it mean that your life was all for naught?

You would agree with me that this isn't completely unfounded or impossible. Haven't we seen students commit suicide just because they failed JAMB? Haven't we seen men throw themselves over the bridge just because their marriages ended? We have seen many people sleep at night with the world under their feet, only to wake up the next morning trying to grapple with what remains of their lives. What if that suddenly becomes you?

Would you define your life, as you know it, to be over? That would be nothing short of the most pathetic definition. Sadly, many of us have gone down that route without knowing. All it takes is for something to snap, an outcome to go awry, an effort to come to nothing, for us to consider our lives over. Isn't it pathetic that the human soul is reduced to this? To outcomes?

This is what our society has made of our lives, but it doesn't mean it isn't pathetic. It also doesn't mean that you should live that way! You can come out from among them and be ye separate.

It is time to divorce the outcomes of life from your identity. What you have isn't who you are. What you get isn't who you are. That you failed doesn't mean you're a failure. That you won doesn't mean you are a winner. Enough of defining who we are by the outcomes we produce. Instead, we must define who we are by what we consistently do, the values we hold dear, and the standards we live our lives by. That is the true test of the human soul.

Do you know why it is nothing short of a ticking time bomb if we base our identities on outcomes? There are too many factors that influence our outcomes. Other people, technical glitches, our location, social media, and even available information influence our outcomes. I could go on and on; there are just too many shifty variabilities that determine what ends up as our outcomes. Who then do we become if we define our identity by outcomes that are determined by a myriad of factors?

Don't get me wrong, we have a huge role to play too, in what becomes our outcomes, but that's only one part of it, and that's the one part we must contend with and be content with. Because not only is that the one thing we can control, that's the crux of our identities. That's the anchor of who we are. Beyond the outcomes, beyond everything else that people use to measure greatness.

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What am I saying in essence? The true test of the human soul is in the standard we hold ourselves to, not the outcomes we get. What matters the most is what we have done, how much time we have put in, the quality of work, how we have shown up, how we have applied ourselves through it all, how we have persevered, and, quite literally, how we have prepared to die on the line. That is what matters the most. That is what impresses on our souls, energizes our lives, and puts us in the most advantageous positions through it all.

This is why it is so important to apply ourselves the best we can, at every given moment. Whatever our hands find to do—not giving any thought to what the outcome will eventually be—we must do with all our might, all our heart, with the highest standard. This imbues in us the self-respect, confidence, esteem, and character necessary for greatness, which then becomes our identity, regardless of the outcome.

This is the truest form of the human soul—an identity divorced from outcomes. A becoming torn far apart from getting.

And you know the irony of it all? It is when the outcome doesn't matter, when the principles and standards of identity are upheld more than the outcome, that the preferred outcome becomes the reality.

A man without an identity, separate from his outcomes, is a man without a soul.

Who Are You? Selah

To your growth,

Your Coach,

Abiola Okunsanya,

Handzinspired. ✨